Thursday, June 15, 2006
and then i die...
life...well what about it?? it seems to exist for everyone else but me...no..im not dead..yet...but if my teachers keep at it..they'll get an invitation to my funeral...and yes..you have to bring me an offering of shoes...no knock-offs...pretty straight forward ...lemme just get to the heart of whats eating me rite now...thankfully not termites..since i've turned into a ginormous blockhead...who cant retain any information of any sort about sin2x equals something something..or about what skeletal muscle is supposed to look like..and to heck with fibrinogens and e.b.white...i am turning into an evil bitter old bat..no chocolates for me thanks..the entire relative population is attacking me for my tsunami-fied obese self.."go do some exercise..you have a treadmill..go use it sometime..."for the love of cheese and all that is stinky...go jump off a cliff and then come back up and hurl yourself off again...i cant help it that im tsunami-fied...i blame them..them and the over active obesity genes they oh-so-generously passed on...now everyones fat...bahahahahahahahaha...and what of the personal essayists and their forays into insanity? we all know thats a one way ticket..blast them all into oblivion...e.b. white is delusional..he thinks hes his son and his father beause of his obsession with this stinky hoo-ha lake somewhere out in some blinking godforsaken corner of the wilderness..why didnt a bear just eat him?personally i think its because the damn man is just a self centred butthead who thinks the universe revolves around him...i just feel like exhuming the butthead and whcking him to redeath with a shovel...three essays..one bloody elusive theme which does not quite fit...he wrote the essay..he deals with it...B+ /A- ...what in the name of lattes is that supposed to mean...???!!!
go away and leave me alone..to rot to death within the confines of the school library while i battle with e.b. white so that he gives me some theme that i can actually use...and while i make myself a math textbook smoothie which i will then proceed to ingest so that i can gain instant wisdom regarding sines and cosines...and oh yes...pulmonary..pulmonary...PULMONARY!!!
the fairytaler at 2:36 PM
Thursday, June 01, 2006
i blame you...BLASTED GROUNDHOG!!
yea..y'all read right.i am now directing my substantial wrath towards the universe at the G-creature...no..i wont utter its blasphemous name anymore..it took away summer...darn rodent...i should really go get myself a shot gun...eliminate all the rodents..summer comes again..we're all happy...wearing t-shirts wont make you get frostbite and cause your arms to fall off...so...g-creature elimination program in session...step one..) obtain gun license...(if not possible legally..go steal a gun...)
step two..)carefully map out rodent concentration topographical data...
step three..)go on a rampage and stop at nothing to annihilate rodents...
step four..)rejoice at the success of having successfully murdered one rodent while regretting the loss of one toe due to severe depth perception issues in the presidential suite of a beautiful place with nice people in white coats running around with hypodermic needles...
yes..i have it all planned out.
in other news,
it is raining today because and only beacuse i didnt wear may hoodie today.yup..yup.. the universe is conspiring against me...but i wont admit defeat so soon...no..not me...for i am resourceful...i will go buy myself an umbrella...BAHAHAHAHAHAHA ...HA. i outsmarted the universe...or maybe i shouldnt say that just yet. it might start snowing or tornado-ing or tsunami-ing or earthquaking..did i mention that vancouver is near a geographical faultline...yea..i could be earthquaked to death at any given time...
so i suggest y'all gimme any gifts or tokens of appreciation right now...because you never know..Kal ho naa ho...for all you hindi-challenged ones out there..it means..tomorrow might or might not come..rough translation la..im not a stinkin poet...
which leads me to my next point...theres this dude on the train...who is messed in the head...like many of the other train patrons...(yes..including me..but im messed in a good way...)so anyways..this dude always gets on and gets off the train at the same time as me...both ways..which is kinda uncanny considering that about a gabillion people take the train each day...yea so..this dude..is odd..he recites poetry..out loud..in crowded trains...and is surprisingly good...but is annoying all the same because..whe its rush hour..and you've spent a loooonnnggg torturous day at school..all you want to do is go home...and the extremely crowded sardine train wont let you do that in peace...but okie..thats a fact of life..i can deal..but what i cant deal with is some nutjob screaming poetry into my ears in a crowded train..(btw..he always manages, by some misfortune on my part..,to end up standing right next to me...)which is creepy..because like i said..gabillion people on a train..yada yada yada..the only thing that is saving him from having his neck wrung clean off is the fact that his poetry is bearable and the fact that my hands are often occupied by books and my bag..which is heavier than me...but one day..i'll lose it..and be charged with the homicide of crazy poetry dude...
watch this space for updates..or an obituary of crazy poetry dude...
i have math class now..to go and be bored to tears or not to go? that is the question...
i dont really have a choice in the matter..so adieu..
the fairytaler at 2:34 PM